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15 Steps to Healthy Communication in Marriage
Here's Help from Scott Estes, Professional Counselor
- Practice humility.
- Let your spouse know you are listening by paraphrasing what he/she has said, and ask if you've understood correctly.
- Soften your voice tone.
- Show respect for and acknowledge your partner's point of view.
- Call a "time out" when you are likely to say something you'll regret, then schedule a time to talk about the matter within the next 24 hours.
- Respect the need of your partner to postpone a discussion to an agreed upon time.
- Don't withdraw from or avoid discussing important issues, unless for an agreed upon time period.
- Speak for yourself. Avoid attempting to read your spouse's mind.
- Push yourself to look for evidence that is contrary to the negative interpretations you usually take.
- Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
- Have regularly scheduled date nights in which each of you refuses to talk about problems, and protect the time for fun things in your marriage.
- Set regular, specific appointments to discuss your problems.
- Own your feelings (i.e., "I feel..." instead of "You make me feel...").
- Avoid invalidation of your spouse's thoughts and feelings.
- Pray together on a regular basis.
Read these books to strengthen your marriage:
"Magnificent Marriage: 10 Beacons Show the Way to Marital Happiness"
by Nick and Nancy Stinnett and Donnie Hilliard (Pillar Press, 2000)
"A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage"
by Scott Stanley, Daniel Trathen, Savanna McCain and Milt Bryan (Jossey-Bass, 1997)
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families"
by Stephen R. Covey (St. Martin's Griffin, 1997)
"The Five Love Languages"
by Gary Chapman (Northfield, 1997)
"10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage"
by David & Claudia Arp (Harper Collins, 1997)
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